I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
