I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
