If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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