WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
is that a dick in a sweater?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
