My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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