My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
