I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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