Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(303): View more from Colorado

I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.

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(416): View more from Toronto

She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.

Fav 16 1797 5358
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(903): View more from Texas

Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later

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(554): View more from

No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted

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(615): View more from Tennessee

Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.

Fav 2 1911 939
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(563): View more from Iowa

Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.

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(940): View more from Texas

I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.

Fav 3 1111 630
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(850): View more from Florida

dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers

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(303): View more from Colorado

Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??

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