dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
