The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Can you bring me the toilet please
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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