And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
