This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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