My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
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