so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
