and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
