So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Randomize
