youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
