Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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