6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
