this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
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