I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Do vagina's smell?
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I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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