Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize