I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
