we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize