It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Randomize
