I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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