That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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