I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
