i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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