I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
