The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
and she was petting her beer can
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
