so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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