Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I looked at my own cervix.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
