Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
