So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
