so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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