please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
