im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
