Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
