How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
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