there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
