How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
