I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize