She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
We talked him into tasing himself.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
