the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Randomize
