I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
