And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
