she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
