The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
