my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
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