I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
