i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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