You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
But we have bathrooms and they dont
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
