i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
