My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize