Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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