Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I just want nice things and good sex
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
