He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Randomize
