woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
