Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Randomize
