I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
