He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Randomize
