Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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