Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
