hell yes lets make some ravioli
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
