Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
