I faked an abortion last night.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Randomize
