Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
