I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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