Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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